“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.” -Anonymous
Coaches need coaches, too (we’re only human, after all!) Through the years, I’ve worked with coaches formally and informally and I’m always grateful for the experience of being coached. It reminds me how powerful it can be to speak my truth — even if it’s something that I can say to no one else in my life.
(That’s one of the best things about working with a coach: you can say anything without fear of judgement. A trained, masterful coach will always meet you with curiosity, validation, and support in moving you forward.)
I recently had an experience with a coach that really shifted things for me. As soon as we started speaking, she sensed that I was carrying a heavy load. She quickly brought awareness to the fact that somewhere in the past several months, I had made a choice to carry around… a bucket full of rocks.
It’s not as if I wasn’t aware that my spirit had been dampened lately, it’s that I had grown so accustomed to carrying around this bucket of rocks that I didn’t notice it any more!
And what are the rocks? In my mind, each of them represents something challenging in my life. There aren’t many, but they feel big: being a solo mom and a daughter in the sandwich generation, being an entrepreneur focused on growing my business, and being the sole breadwinner. And they were starting to feel heavy.
She said, voice brimming with wisdom, “Set it down.”
Set. It. Down.
So simple.
In a matter of seconds, I let out a gigantic exhale. She reminded me that I get to choose when to carry the rocks and when to set them down and let it go.
She spoke three words, and it felt as though I had set down 50 pounds.
What do You Need to Set Down?
As humans, our brains are wired to go to the negative and look for what’s wrong, what isn’t working. It’s part of our survival instinct. The problem comes when we start collecting those things, worrying about them, dreading them, dragging them around, and then we start each day with a heavy load before anything has even happened.
I caught myself doing it last week. From the moment I opened my eyes, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was miserable, and I hadn’t even put my feet on the floor!
It really took some self-awareness to slow down, take a deep breath, and say, “I do not want to go through my day this way, carrying a bucket of rocks.” I consciously chose to put down the bucket; even though I knew I’d have to deal with the bucket eventually, it had nothing to do with what I had planned for the day.
I immediately felt relief. As my day went on, it unfolded exactly as I’d hoped: every conversation was light, wonderful, and positive. By setting down the weight, I was able to show up as the best version of myself.
What is the Next, Small, Achievable Step?
I often ask my clients, “What is the next small, achievable step you want to take?”
Picking up and carrying a bucket full of rocks daily is definitely not a small or achievable step that I want to take!
Yes, I know the rocks are still there. But guess what? You get to choose how to deal with them — which means that you can take a jackhammer to those rocks and pummel them into smaller rocks! You can create small stones, even pebbles!
That morning I was feeling the weight of being overcommitted for the coming 10 days. After I set down my bucket of rocks, I thought to myself, “How can I change this experience so I don’t feel like I have to ‘power through it’?” I looked for opportunities to break up the rocks.
I had planned to work all night on Friday and all day on Saturday, and that was feeling awful. Once I became aware of my choices, I decided I was going to create some space. I moved one deadline that could be moved, and then noticed that some of my other commitments were to myself — things with which I had some flexibility. I thought through how I could move those things around, and that’s where the lightness really came in. I gave myself the weekend back by chopping up those rocks into smaller pieces and deciding that I didn’t have to do it all in a matter of days.
It’s a lot easier to pick up a pebble, carry it for a few minutes and then even have some fun with it. When I’m done with the small stone (i.e., I’ve taken the next small, achievable step I want to take), I can even try to make the pebble skip across the water. How fun is it when the stone skips two, three, or more times across the water!?
Choose Wisely What You Carry Around
Now is the time of year when we’re all trying to get a jump start on our 2023 goals… and yet, the days are still short, it’s cold, and our bodies want to hibernate and be internal. It’s very easy to become overcommitted this time of year.
After my conversation with the coach I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, I’ve started keeping a real, small and smooth stone perfect for water skipping on my desk. It’s a constant reminder that when I only pick up one small stone at a time, I am more effective in my entire life, and my spirit is free to soar. Sometimes, I even imagine those stones as bubbles floating in the air: light, fun, flexible, and most importantly, they won’t last forever!
Choose wisely what you carry around. Here are some questions to help you lighten your load:
Are you carrying around a bucket of rocks without even realizing it?
Can you do anything about it?
Can you do anything about it today?
If you can’t do anything about it today, then why would you carry around a bucket of rocks that you can’t even do anything about today? Sounds like a lot of work for no good reason!
What do you need to set down today?
How does it feel to do so?
What’s possible now?
Once you set that bucket down, you’ll be free to have a really great day!
I invite you to answer the questions for yourself. If you’re struggling to recognize that you’re carrying a bucket of rocks, or you’re just having a hard time setting them down, reach out to me and let’s talk.
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