Self-Awareness and the Power of the Pause - April 22, 2025

Apr 23

5 min read

An essential aspect of effective leadership is recognizing your identity as a leader and understanding your influence on others. My experience with Insights Discovery has enhanced my self-awareness and that of many others, significantly transforming how we present ourselves positively in all areas of life, both professionally and personally.

Understanding your natural tendencies (which can be helpful in some situations, and detrimental in others) is a powerful way to raise your awareness and make a different choice to elicit a better outcome.

Today, I'm delving into the experiences of thinkers versus feelers, drawing from Carl Jung's personality research, and examining how the "Power of the Pause" can positively transform everything.

Thinking vs. Feeling in a Tumultuous Era

I've known for some time that my 18-year-old son Ben and I are polar opposites in our energy. Insights Discovery verifies this: Ben is a thinker, and I am a feeler. He focuses on the task at hand, thinking "What do I need to do? What is the deadline?" I focus on how I'm feeling, considering "How is this decision going to impact the people and relationships that we have?"

Amidst the ongoing social and political turmoil, I observe Ben consuming a vast amount of content. He swiftly decides what information to retain and what to discard from his mind, before proceeding to the next topic.

It's not as though he isn't emotionally impacted by the information, but I see him able to move through the emotion relatively quickly. It doesn't bog him down. He's able to return to his day-to-day without much effort.

Ben is a T, or thinker, according to Jungian terminology. In Insights Discovery terms, he possesses a significant amount of cool blue energy. If you're acquainted with the Integrative Enneagram, his core type is a 5, known as the Quiet Specialist. He engages in analysis, reasoning, and opinion formation, while remaining open to changing his views with new information (he also enjoys debating, which can be exhausting for me!). He is logical, objective, curious, unsentimental, and perceptive.

These cognitive traits are extremely beneficial for him.

Conversely, I am predominantly a feeler, someone who primarily bases decisions on the people and relationships involved. According to Insights Discovery, I possess significant Earth Green and Sunshine Yellow energy. In the Integrative Enneagram, my primary type is 9, the Adaptive Peacemaker, with type 7, the Enthusiastic Visionary, closely following.

As a feeler, I experience a range of emotions quickly and deeply based on what's happening around me. My body is usually flooded with information long before my mind can make sense of it (knots in my stomach, clenched jaw, tears of joy, etc.).

I can also read a room in a heartbeat, and understand who doesn't feel like they've been heard, who's antsy because the pace is too slow, or who is frustrated because their teammates aren't speaking their truth.

I am inclusive, diplomatic, and generally optimistic.

At times, I get stuck and overwhelmed in the emotion of what I'm perceiving, which is where I admire Ben's ability to move through feelings so quickly and efficiently.

Self-Awareness and Awareness of Others

I am examining the concepts of self-awareness and the awareness of others. Being someone who feels deeply, I am acutely conscious of how I present myself to the world, both positively and negatively.

Although my intuitive nature greatly aids in building inclusive teams and appreciating each individual's unique value, I can sometimes find myself stuck. With the current global turmoil, I've been feeling as if I'm caught in a whirlwind of Earth Green emotional energy. It's crucial for me to be intentional about breaking free from this, or else I end up fixating on what's not working, which isn't productive. I need to redirect my focus towards actionable steps that can enhance the situation at hand, which includes transitioning into a more energetic and positive mindset.

The opposite is true for people like my son, who might sometimes appear indifferent or even uncaring.

Do You Live in a Thinking Space?

If you find yourself in a space of contemplation, reflect on the following:

Your ability to remain detached can be a strength, offering balance in a world that seems unsteady to many.
However, this detachment might be perceived as distant, indifferent, and unsupportive by the more emotional members of your team.

An excellent way to connect with the feelers in your life is through validation. This involves acknowledging or affirming their emotions or opinions, and showing that these feelings are appreciated and significant, indicating that you understand them and their emotions are important. For instance, "Your partner lost their job, so it's natural for you to feel worried and overwhelmed at the moment."

Do You Live in a Feeling Space?

If you find yourself in an emotional state, consider the following:

Recognize that your emotional depth is a significant strength. You have the ability to read a room, sense how others are feeling, and experience emotions intensely and swiftly.
However, feelers without a high degree of emotional agility can become overwhelmed by their emotions if they don't take a moment to pause. This might lead them to react with anger, shame, or tears in less than ideal situations.

These emotions aren't "bad," but they might not contribute positively to the situation. Your opportunity lies in embracing the power of the pause to allow yourself more time to process your emotions and reach a more stable state before thoughtfully responding.

Embrace the Power of the Pause

The main concept is to be aware of your inherent tendencies. Observe when they benefit you and when they do not. Sometimes, your natural inclinations will greatly aid you as a leader, while at other times, they may hinder you. Developing the habit of pausing will provide the opportunity to enhance your leadership skills.

By pausing, we can reflect on aspects such as:

What does this team in front of me require?
What does my partner need?
What does the current situation demand, and how can I respond most effectively?

Try out some of these phrases in the "Emotionally Intelligent" infographic when you feel pressured to react right away.

I have a client whose go-to phrase is, "I'm not ready to make a decision on this, I need a time out. I'll be back in five minutes."

She'll use the phrase if she's feeling emotional in one-on-one situations and even large meetings. It helps her take a break, self-regulate, and come back with a clear-headed decision or questions to move forward. Notice that she says, "I'll be back in five minutes," so people know she's just taking a time out, not storming out of the meeting.

The Pause is Your Opportunity to Self-Regulate

When we fail to pause, acknowledge our emotions, and calm ourselves, we end up reacting instead of responding thoughtfully. Reacting is invariably a stress response. Emotions such as tears, anger, passion, excitement, or stubbornness can dominate, and this may not always be the most effective way to handle a situation.

When we pause, we slow down the brain and body, slowing down the adrenaline and clearing our mind.

As leaders, it is essential to self-regulate first, then take action.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can support you and/or your team through building self-awareness and leading through change, I invite you to connect with me here for a quick needs assessment call.